It is that time of year again and I am reminded of not only the good but also the bad in my past. A lingering ghost if you will that is refusing to leave though it’s getting easier to ignore. The tree is up for the first time in over a decade and presents litter its base. It truly feels like Christmas is coming and with it some joy.

Christmas growing up was a broken affair, with my parents divorce when I was young. Christmas Eve was spent with my father and day with my mother. There would be visits with extended family as well and for awhile it was a happy time of year. Later years it grew to the point of being painful to make the rounds and see all the joy when I didn’t feel it myself. The magic of the season started to die I am afraid.

In my 20’s and 30’s Christmas was just another day with some gifts being thrown around and then picking up gyros before watching Die Hard 1 & 2. That changed in recent years for the better though the spirit of pain still lingers.

While I never noticed it growing up there was a sharp duality in my family structure, something that may have lead to my interest in the Tao. Sharp contrasts between homes with just a hint of the other being present.

This year as with prior years I will spend at home largely. A quick visit to my father’s to exchange gifts and then head home for games and cheer with the girlfriend. It amazes me the sharp difference in my perspective of the holidays since meeting her… something I am thankful for. Where once it was just throwing gifts at others there is now a passion for giving. Where once it felt so cold now feels full of cheer.

This year Christmas is another degree or two away from the cold and dreadful holidays of yesteryear. Welcome sure, but still a bit surprising.

Merry Christmas to all of you!